Searching

Well October continues to deliver awesome weather. I think its been better than the summer. I continue to not get to my project and I continue to feel like I'm not doing enough. To make matters worse Icreated a binder which had a lot of what I had done together that I cannot find now. It had phone #s and addresses along with consent forms for participation in my project. I've searched everywhere I can think of and it still has not turned up - I am concerned. I wanted to investigate e-mailing the students involved in the project and now I've lost their e-mail addresses. Aarrrghh!!!!! I keep thinking to myself stop looking and you will find it; the harder I look the worse it seems.

Today was another day of working on paper work and wondering what really is important. I found out just before lunch that another one of our young students had attempted suicide the night before and had hurt herself. She is a really likeable kid and I get along with her very well; I didn't see anything that worried me of her and I can't help but wonder if all the administrivia in our lives is keeping us from the important people we work with - the students. I will be praying for her tonight but I wonder if the bureaucrats even realize what the impact is of the paper machine they are creating. I could rant on this but it is not productive nor healthy. I will do what I can to fill out forms the way they want, but I will continue to make the kids my first priority. We've been talking about the need for fun in our lives and we can't help but think our jobs are more stressful than they used to be because we don't have the time to plan for fun. I know I want to be more spontaneous in school and I want to see more laughter amongst the students. Today the Student Council proclaimed as 80's day; I didn't dress up but I did bring in a CD with 80's music on it. I don't know if the kids liked it but the teachers did and there were a lot of smiles from those that heard it.

I spent most of the night working on assignments for my Ed 870AR 383 Culturally Relevant Pedagogy class. I actually felt in the groove and I credit it to not working myself until I was exhausted today. I made it home before 5:00 p.m. and I relaxed to the point of having a nap before 6 which left me feeling strong this evening. Maybe this is the answer to my grad work - be selfish and do it for yourself. I hope my director doesn't read this!